so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
