Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
