According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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