I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
