Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
