pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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