I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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