i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
