R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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