God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
