Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
two words: eviction party
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
