im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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