Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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