There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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