11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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