if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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