right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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