she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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