Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
