if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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