I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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