The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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