I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
