why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
