This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
