Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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