Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
