My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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