well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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