I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
