mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
