Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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