I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
