I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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