Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
