I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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