i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
