This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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