So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My hand turned me down
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize