it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
