and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
