to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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