my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
