The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
