Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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