Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
