i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
