I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
