So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
