A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
