Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
