i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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