hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
