she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
