plz talk dirty to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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