well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
True strength comes from lack of pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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