My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
