If that was your dad, he is hot
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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